Staying open in the face of adversity is one of the toughest challenges we face in life and leadership.

I’m sure you know what I mean, for we all have been in those situations. Many times.

The first thing our mind usually wants to do in those moments, is to somehow close down the pain.

• By fighting against what’s happening.
• By fleeing from the situation altogether.
• By mentally checking out.
• By fawning so hard it hurts inside.

All this to not face the uncomfortable feelings and emotions that were originally triggered by the adversity. 

Not realising we’re willingly allowing in other uncomfortable feelings and emotions instead.

(Usually such, which are easier to blame or point on someone or something else than ourselves.)

So.
In our attempt to escape some uncomfortable feelings, we launch into other uncomfortable feelings.

Sounds crazy, right?

Well, in my opinion, we’re all guilty of that.

But instead of condemning ourselves (or others) for doing that, let’s get curious about what’s really happening.

Wouldn’t that be much more beneficial, for all?

Especially in terms of leadership, where we’re here to serve the greater good of all, not just one individual.

And this is what I mean by it being hard staying open in the face of adversity.

It’s hard because it requires us to do the inner work with ourselves instead of blaming our uncomfort on someone, or something, else.

It requires us to actually engage in the process of change, instead of requiring the outside world to change.

You’ve probably seen this cartoon where people are asked if they want change, and everyone is putting their hand up, signalling that they do.

But when asked if they want to change, no one is putting their hand up.

Yet that’s what’s required of you as a leader.
Even as a fellow human being.

You’re a change-maker, an influencer, in this world. And in order for you to fulfill your mission, you need to go first.

We can’t expect others to do what we’re not open, willing, or ready to do ourselves.

Having said that, let me go first.

And tell some examples of my own crazy making. Of my own dysfunctional ways of relating.

Every time I have been facing adversity of some kind, I have launched into one of the previously described survival mechanisms of the mind to cope with the situation.

Trying to find the reason for my uncomfort from outside of me, while avoiding – often successfully – the true problem.

The true problem?
Self-worth.

Every challenge, whatever it is, boils down to questioning self-worth (in my case).

But for years (for decades, really) I didn’t realise that.

Every time I faced a challenging situation, I didn’t know I was trying to avoid the feeling of unworthiness.

In my experience, it’s immensely uncomfortable to be face-to-face with it.

So.
In situations where that unconscious fear was triggered, I wanted to avoid it at any cost.

How did this show up in my life?

By naming, blaming, and shaming. By looking to outsource the internal uncomfort.

Naturally, that never works.

You can’t outsource your internal uncomfort. It doesn’t work like that.

You’ll need to face it, experience it, live it.
To accept it, so that you’ll be free from it.

If you don’t, it’ll control you.
All that you do.
And follows you everywhere you go.

Only you can love, accept, and validate yourself within.
Only you can define your worth within.

There’s no one else inside you doing that.

No matter what’s going on outside of you. No matter the conditions or circumstances. Or what other people say or do.

This is the beauty we’re too often unable to see in our life and leadership.

And with this inability to see the beauty within, it might be challenging to stay open in the face of adversity.

For then adversity seems like a threat.
An enemy of your worthiness.

But what if it’s a gift?

An opportunity for you to align with and express your worth, your truth, freely? While seeing the worth and truth of others, too?

Would that be something we’d need to avoid at any cost? 
Would that change you and the way you relate?

Would that turn the adversities from enemies to friends?
And help you stay open?


With my all,
Paula
xx