How to thrive regardless of the need to please

Are you familiar with the disease to please? It’s sometimes such an annoying attribute, isn’t it? Although, it can work for our benefit, too.

People pleasing has been my main survival strategy since early childhood. I didn’t become aware of it until I started my own business.  Building and running a business forced me to face this constant need to please and the fear of what other people think of me.

But as you can imagine, business strategy based purely on people pleasing does not really work for your benefit, ha!

If you’re concentrating heavily on any or all of the following things, the need to please is messing your success up.

  1. All your time goes into minding other people’s businesses, while yours remains unattended.

  2. You’ve lost the focus on the big picture, which is your own original dream, and don’t know what’s the point in doing what you’re doing.

  3. You’ve fell into the comparison trap, feel not worthy and run after all wrong things based on what other people do or want.

The need to please does not, however, have to ruin your success. It’s a set of learned behaviors and you’re able to work around them – for your benefit.

In the beginning of my entrepreneurial career, I was fascinated by how easy it seemed for others to build their business. Yet, at the same time, I felt devastated by how hard it felt for me. I knew there was something I could do about it.

I turned the situation around by concentrating on three key things. None of which had anything to do with getting the approval of others. These shifts have not only worked wonders for me but also for my private coaching clients.

  • First, track what’s the motive for your actions. Why are you doing what you’re doing?
    • To monitor this, set an alarm to go off regularly on your phone to check how you’re feeling. Also notice what is the guiding principle behind your actions.
      • Are you doing what you’re doing because you’re concerned of what other people think of you? Or due to fear of other’s opinions/judgement? Or do you need everyone’s approval (except your own)?
      • Or due to clarity? The understanding of the bigger picture? Or because you’re committed to follow your plans and keep your promises to yourself?
    • Whatever it is, the point isn’t to judge or criticize, but to become aware of the motive. And then course correct, if needed.
  • Second, regularly connect with your dream. This has been a biggie for many.  Some have even lost the ability to dream for themselves. If this is the case, then
    • start with relearning how to dream.
    • Then regularly connect with your deepest desires.
      • This connection is such a powerful way to navigate forward. And it has nothing to do with whether you actually turn those desires into reality or not. It has everything to do with how you’re feeling in the hurdles of your everyday life. Your dreams and desires are meant to make you feel good.
  • Third, focus more specifically on what already works and less specifically on what is not yet working.
    • Even though it’s easier to filter in the bad, we really need both when building our businesses. Just not in the same old quantities.
    • While the focus may be on things that do not work, there at the same time are as many, if not even more things, that already do work for you. We need to filter in that, too.
    • When the focus shifts, you turn the downward spiral into upward one. That way, it’s much easier for you to see and connect with the opportunities around you.

We can turn the need to please into our benefit and thrive with it.

Much love,